Crystal Clear Dream Recollection
|Route of Administration
This was another go at the hole. The therapeutic / introspective potential of this drug that was revealed by this trip is really exciting.
Finished finals for the day. Wanted to play in the 3-Hole again to unwind after so much stress.
Feeling pretty dissociated already. Haven’t touched this stuff for like 2 weeks. Everything feels distant and there is a distinct appreciation for music, kinda like a lower dose of DXM. Pretty interesting. I know exactly how to navigate this, I wait until I think I’m at the peak.
Peaking now. Here it comes. I Hit the gravity bong 3 times. Here we go. I sit back and wait for it to hit. There is no rush or sudden comeup, it slowly slowly creeps up on me. I am able to coherently relax in bed for a bit.
The hole is opening up. I lie under my covers and close my eyes. I am being sucked in. I can feel my body fade to nothing. I am eventually 100% anesthetized, it feels like my body has folded up on itself until its become nothing. The analogy I can make is a pretty specific reference to a manga… If you’ve read/watched Jojo’s bizarre adventure part 3: stardust crusaders, there is that character towards the end named Vanilla Ice who is capable of folding up to disappear from our dimension. He does this by having the demonic creature that accompanies him eat him. It then eats itself until it is nothing but a jaw, which then also blips out of existence. That’s how I felt. That is exactly how I felt. (see the end of this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlXsxc2G7iQ) (Sorry for the weird reference but I was in the midst of reading the series at the time). It was now that I was cast into the dream world. I was literally revisiting my old and recent dreams, watching them like movies. I could feel the same feelings I felt during them, and they were attached by free association. It was like exploring the structure of my subconscious through virtual reality. I would experience one dream, and then seeing an object, location, or having a feeling from that dream would immediately bring up a chain of associations that would lead to another past dream. This chain continued indefinitely. It was fascinating to explore, and it was so so strange to feel something so familiar that I had forgotten about. I was truly traversing my unconscious. I have no idea when I had these dreams, most did feel fairly recent, but these were certainly not random inventions, upon being exposed to them it triggered the distinct memories I had about them. After a bit I managed to pull myself out of it, just to see if I could.
I talk to a friend a bunch online. He’s on MXE, and I’m holed up on this. It’s hard for me to maintain/understand conversation. I’m really really heavily dissociated. I decide to bid him a brief farewell and explore the hole again.
Back in the hole. Now there is this feeling of an immense centipede or serpent skeleton. This is me, this is what I am now. I have no body, I am this swimming segmented being, twisting and turning through the aether. I have a vision of a landscape, rolling angular hills marked with grids, with a great red sky. It seems like this is a sort of “dream nexus”, similar to that I felt on DXM. I slither between the hills, and each grid mark is the entrance to another dream. I do not see the associations between them anymore, and unlike DXM these are not just hallucinated versions of my reality, but actual dreams I have had. I am like the librarian of this vast dream library, completely alone in its infinite scape to peruse these memories as I like. I can literally tap into whichever one I want. Well, I’m not sure what each one is until I enter it, but once I’m in, the chain of associations continues. Very fascinating.
I awake again. I am down enough to not fall into the hole anymore, even if I try. I decide to give my heart and mind a rest and not smoke more, as this would probably bring me back to that state in some degree. I am elated at this discovery of dream exploration.
Still feeling a bit faint. I go to bed now.
Conclusion / Aftermath
I am not sure what it is with NMDA antagonists and dreams. Do dreams have something to do with the NMDA receptor? DXM brings about similar experiences, although it seems to warp and bend the dreams a bit. This was very clear and literal exploration of pure unadultered dreams. This could be a truly useful tool, if I have a profound dream. It would allow me to revisit and explore it. I am excited by the implications of this and how I can explore it in the future.