Everything Happening Around Me
|Route of Administration
Snorted. Powder has a sort of weird rubbery petroleum smell to it.
Feel onset. Sloshy and wobbly, but only slightly. Mostly feeling mentally dissociated, like I just can’t be assed to care about anything or interact with anything in the world around me.
Stimulating feeling comes on. I feel like I am moving faster and more fluidly, with more control. It’s like the air is thinner. A buzzing feeling sets on, and I begin to feel like I am fading.
It’s heavy, like O-PCE. Not a rushing dissociation, but a sinking feeling of dissociation. It’s like I am being draped in curtains of goopy syrup that dissolves my essence and pulls me downwards. My entire field of vision is pulsing and everything feels surreal. This feels like an active and functional dissociative, not a completely debilitating and disabling one. I can walk fine, my motor skills are barely compromised, and there is no issue with thinking straight or communicating with people.
I feel oddly nostalgic, like I am thinking about my past a lot and want to listen to old music. Old memories are cropping up in vivid detail. Nostalgia always makes me feel really sad, so I kinda just want to cry, but at the same time its all very warm and comforting. I feel like I am on a rocking ship.
I go outside and hang out in the backyard. Time feels like it has slowed down a great deal, and indeed it is apparent in the music I am listening to. It definitely sounds lower, like each note and each sound is dragging a heavy weight behind it and slowly creeping through the air. This isn’t accompanied with the pitch drop that comes from intense psychedelic experiences where things sound slowed down, rather it sounds exactly the same pitch, just slower. I lie down in my backyard and try to sink into a hole of sorts.
This honestly feels more psychedelic than dissociative, in terms of headspace. Physically it is very dissociating, with an overall feeling of anesthesia and loss of equilibrium. The headspace is extremely introspective and deep, with a lot of thinking about myself and profound thoughts. It feels as though there is immense therapeutic potential. The open eyed visuals resemble large blocky designs and tendrils, tightly intertwining and interlocking in perfect harmony with no space left between them. These present as translucent maroon ghost images overlaying everything. When I close my eyes I am struck with a ghostly afterimage of the world around me, in teal, turquoise, magenta, and pink. This image warps and flows and swirls like dropping a drop of dye into water. My short term memory is somewhat compromised. This is incredibly deep and meditative, when I close my eyes and sink away, I am in a great inky sea of thoughts. Blocky geometric forms parade past and mirror themselves and spin and swirl together. They are all harmonious, and all exact and precise in their movements. It is like a great computer or some sentient being has set out a path and sequence for all of these forms and they follow like perfectly rehearsed dancers, just for the pleasure of my viewing. Perhaps they are trying to communicate something, I do not know.
This feels so incredibly beautiful and euphoric. It is magic, it is the same sort of magic that comes with the first time of trying a substance that I end up really enjoying, like MXE. It feels like great striped tentacles are coming down from above and caressing my face. The beauty is resplendent, the world has become a gelatinous lacework of pulsing colors and patterns, dancing and tracing and chasing each other. Not only that but it feels as though this drug has somehow given me powers of premonition. This is likely just a silly delusion, or just confirmation bias. But I find myself thinking a great deal about potential future, about the different ways my life might unfold in the future. Normally, doing this is incredibly depressing and I can only think about all the ways my life can go wrong. However, now I am having all sorts of optimistic and positive outlooks on my potential futures.
The visuals are very powerful and are delightfully consuming and incorporating the world around me. Thinking about the future has me excited, I want to see what happens, I want to see where the world is going. I think about what role I will serve in this. I decide to settle for passive observe, to simply exist harmlessly and let the world happen around me. Perhaps that isn’t so simple, and perhaps that’s not the most morally righteous way to exist but in the moment I feel an overwhelming sense of contentment at the prospect of that. I feel like I am experiencing it to the fullest right now, that the world is flowing around me the way a stream flows around a rock. Everyone around me is doing things, moving around, I can hear people on the street talking, I know that my roommate and my friends are inside doing all sorts of stuff, and here I am lying in my backyard staring at the sky. I begin to practice one of my favorite activities on dissociatives and try to willingly generate images in the closed eyed visuals. I close my eyes and think of various shapes and much to my delight they appear before me, dull grey with buzzing red auras, blocky texture upon their faces. With my eyes open, everything looks so clear and clean cut, like the air is thinner, like some fog has been removed of my vision has become clearer. The feeling of this drug is overwhelmingly warm, and extremely buzzy. Nothing quite like it.
I am having so much fun. I can walk around the house and function perfectly fine. I am able to talk to people, I just feel kind of distant. I smoke with my roommate in the backyard and all it really does is amplify the body numbness, the mental aspect has mostly cooled down and I am left with that enhanced cognitive feeling I have on the comedown of psychedelics. We go inside and I sit down and sink into the couch. I feel so buzzed and blunted, but in the warmest and happiest way. I just hang out and play videogames for hours as I come down. Nothing to really note past that.
I am back to baseline. I go to sleep.
Conclusion / Aftermath
Wow this is my new favorite dissociative, out of the many many I have tried. It’s highly euphoric, but also very deep and psychedelic. It doesn’t feel like it impairs me in any way, rather it improves my function, and doesn’t have the delusional sort of mania that 3-MeO-PCP carries. It’s incredibly bright and visual, and I my social abilities aren’t impaired at all. It honestly feels more psychedelic than dissociative. I am excited to see how it combines with things. It feels like in all my experience with using all variety of dissociatives, I have finally found one that is an excellent fit for me, I have earned this experience with a drug that just feels so right for me. Probably shouldn’t use it too much though, don’t want to kill the magic.