I Am Doing Nothing
|Route of Administration
|Oral in Gel Cap
Onset. I am beginning to shake a good bit. Mentally it feels like a sort of soft psychedelic drowsiness with pangs of some deep primal anxiety.
I am lying on my bed and amidst its immaculate comfort, the drowsiness has turned into a full and gentle sedation. I am locked in place and I have little intention of even attempting to move. My mattress is soft and it swallows me whole. I have chills and my eyelids feel heavy. I could fall asleep here. My fingertips feel numb save for a gentle pulsing tapping sensation.
Not really feeling much other than that same sedation and that sort of mental heaviness/heat that comes with psychedelics. No visuals or other noteworthy effects. A nauseous feeling has become much more apparent.
I believe I am beginning to peak now. Visuals begin to appear, they are light but apparent. They manifest as somewhat indistinct stationary patterns, soft, organic, and harmonious. There is noticeable music appreciation now. I smoke some cannabis and this fleshes out the visuals further, inundating them with vibrant chroma- everything white is splashed with pulsing concentric stripes of color.
I feel unnaturally warm and I am shaking quite a bit. I close my eyes and am greeted by more vague, indistinct shapes zooming towards me. They fly directly into my face, startling and energetic. When I open my eyes, there is a gradual fade back into reality, the room around me slowly generating itself from the void as though it is blossoming forth from a tangle of crawling vines.
With eyes opened, the visuals look like tessellated swarms of multicolored little winged creatures, entwined in an undulating dance on my ceiling, their bold eyespots raining a vibrant gaze down upon me. Their appendages are frilly and feathery, interlocking and overlapping to hold them all together in a harmonious tangle. Cognitively, the drug feels sedating and rather boring, there simply isn’t much to it. None of the rapidfire chains of thoughts or insatiable curiosity or calculating rationality, I am certainly not lucid or sober by any means, it’s just a dulled down mode of thought that almost seems to inhibit me from engaging in any task I may desire.
Still drifting aimlessly through the peak of the experience. I feel understimulated and bored. I am laying on my bed doing literally nothing. I try to browse the internet but nothing captures my interest. This experience overall feels mentally and emotionally quite shallow.
This may perhaps be the most sexual drug I’ve taken, and by that I mean that it’s one of the only ones where sexuality does not come off as entirely repulsive during the experience. Rather, it’s quite neutral- by no means an aphrodisiac.
It looks like there are paisley and rosette patterns adorning my skin, gently embossed into it and rippling with pools of color. I can hear my breathing and heartbeat and organs churning quite loudly.
A stronger physical discomfort has set in, a sort of twisting and throbbing pain at random points in my torso. I am trying to lie down but cannot find any position where I feel comfortable.
This drug has proven to be quite dull. With many psychedelics, I can find entertainment simply in laying still, closing my eyes and meditating. I would usually find myself traveling through novel mechanisms and chains of thought, exploring colorful depths and worlds of visuals. I would find myself looking at the world in new ways, considering things from a more holistic perspective. Psychedelics usually make it entertaining just to sit there and do nothing. This however, offered no such concession- my idleness was a shadow looming above me, criticizing me for my inaction, for the fact that I dosed myself with something that sedated my mind to the point of impairment, that I wasted an afternoon that I could’ve spent doing something productive. It’s a feeling of psychedelic self-criticism that is marked by a scathing scorching harshness I had not felt since my days of exploring NBOMes in the depths of deep depressions. I am a wastrel, I am wasting precious time and precious energy doing nothing but sitting around on my laptop, not even doing something productive like learning, just sitting there.
I feel like this should motivate me to get up and do things, to make the night more fulfilling, but I simply cannot. I just don’t have the interest or energy to attempt any task. I don’t want to just be lying here, but it’s all I can do.
More time has passed with doing nothing, but that depression, draining, self-critical sense is slowly and gently passing. I am feeling more able to simply exist peacefully. The comedown is a gradual and gentle landing.
I am mostly down by now, even when I smoke some more cannabis. I feel burned out after, it’s none of that usual mental stimulation and acuity I feel when coming down from psychedelics. It’s just a sense of overwhelming dullness.
Conclusion / Aftermath
This is perhaps one of the more boring psychedelics I have tasted. The experience does not lend itself to any meaningful thought processes or profound explorations of existence, rather it is a dull neutrality that I simply drifted through, gaining nothing. The sensory effects were colorful and vibrant, but not enough to make the overall experience stimulating. This could perhaps be attributed to a particularly dull set and setting, though many psychedelics manage to make lying on my bed with my eyes closed for long periods of time entertaining and profound.