My First Experience with Unity
|Name||Dosage||Route of Administration|
|Ayahuasca||2.5g Syrian Rue / 6g Mimosa hostilis rootbark||Oral|
I took the syrian rue by powdering it in a mortar and pestle and washing it down with milk, before waiting approximately 45 minutes to drink down 7 grams of MHRB blended into a banana smoothie. I only managed to drink roughly 6 grams, however, as the sheer amount of liquid was difficult to take in. Though these were both unpleasant and nauseating to consume, it was nothing when compared to the foul-tasting, traditionally-brewed method which I am extremely familiar with.
I was tripping within the presence of 2 friends who were also taking ayahuasca through the same method of preparation; one of them took the full 7g and the other 2.5g of MHRB.
After consuming the milkshakes, we spent approximately one hour in a well-lit living room, smoking marijuana and waiting for the effects of the drug to show before heading into a small, extremely dark room that we had previously prepared as an environment to enjoy the experience with maximum effects and minimal external influence.
At the start of the trip I simply sat there in darkness, listening to an album which I had not heard before that my friend was playing throughout the trip by a psytrance artist known as Tipper, whilst sharing marijuana-filled spliffs between my two friends as we engaged in typical stoner talk and psychedelic conversation. Shortly after I entered the darkened room I began to notice a distinct but mild body high and defined level 4 visual geometry. The fast-moving sets of complex geometry were structured in their organization, organic in geometric style, intricate in complexity, large in size, fast and smooth in motion, colourful in scheme, glossy in colour, equal in blurred and sharp edges and equal in rounded and angular corners. They looked very natural, ancient and had mystical undertones in their perceived visual vibe.
As I began to progressively come up, I became more and more unresponsive in my ability to communicate and became reserved to total silence, despite the fact that I could still understand what my friends were discussing and listened intently throughout a huge portion of the trip.
It was at this point that I began to break through into a visual space of profoundly complex level 6 geometry. I felt perfectly calm and extremely mindful as I saw all of those who are close to me laid out in front of my eyes. They appeared in the form of detailed visual representations, comprised of condensed psychedelic geometry. As this happened I began to evaluate them one by one as a voice within my head provided me with a detailed verbal analysis of how lucky I am to have such people in my life, while providing loving advice and information on their relationship to my existence and the need for me to care for them as much as they demonstrate that they care for me.
After this I have large periods of amnesia as the visuals further increased in their intensity until at some unknown point in the evening I passed through the geometry and onto the other side. I then found myself in a state which I immediately recognised although had never previously experienced but knew that it was referred to by my own system as a level 4 State of unity and interconnectedness.
At first I simply noticed that the geometry had died down in its intensity from level 6 to level 4 and had been replaced by an overwhelmingly complex and seemingly life-changing perspective switch that could not be described as anything short of a substance-induced religious experience. I couldn’t quite comprehend the true nature of what was happening but immediately felt profoundly calm and mindful in my thought processes towards it, understanding innately that I should not give in to astonishment as this is something that I often find myself becoming overwhelmed with in similar situations. I knew that if I did this I would slip into an all-too familiar state of ecstatic religious delusion and fool myself into thinking that I had not only figured out the key to humanity’s transcension but that I now understand it well enough to immediately implement on a global scale “just as soon as I sober up”.
Once this cleared up and I realized that I was not going to be overwhelmed with astonishment I began to slowly piece together what exactly it was that I was feeling. At first all I knew was that I had the overwhelming sense that this was somehow a “religious experience” although I had very little coherent sentences within my thoughts. As time went on however I slowly realized that my usually familiar and well-defined concept of “I”, “self”, or “me” was no longer attributed to a separate ego and it’s internal thought stream as it is throughout normal sober living. Instead, it had become attributed to my internally stored model of reality in its entirety and therefore all of space and time.
“I” suddenly saw with such clarity the interdependent connections between all things and realized that “I” was and always have been the entire universe experiencing itself through the specific point in space and time which my ego happens to reside in. It felt that “I” had simply forgotten this due to the inherent nature of the human form that this part of me had manifested itself into and the way in which my perspective has been drastically shaped by the surrounding society. The concept of a culturally ingrained and vaguely defined sense of self-hood that “I” had been raised into believing was revealed to be nothing more than an illusory symbol or approximation of words. “I” felt that in actuality “I” was not a central separate agent confronting an external world which was not “me”, but that it was all the universe experiencing itself. “I” felt and understood that the observer and the observed were a unified system of behaviour, in which the concept of a separate self made no physical sense whatsoever beyond symbolic and illusory thought. In simpler terms, the true self beyond everyday illusion was revealed as something not confined to its ego and the image it has created of itself through interactions with other people, but the entire universe as a whole.
The sentences “We are all it” and “I designed it this way myself” looped through my thought stream over and over again. It was revealed to me through an innate revelation that the reason I am living this life, with this extremely specific geographic location, friends, loved ones, life and plot is not because of sheer chance or coincidence as I had previously thought but because I had designed it all this way myself. I had always existed throughout all times, I had created the universe which was myself and everything within it from the very beginning, nothing was left to simple chance and every aspect of this cosmic plot had been carefully planned out in advanced by the very thing which it was.
In a single moment I realized and felt with a huge sense of genuine emotion that every last one of my personal insecurities which comprised my particular silly tragic back story was a deliberate and important plot element which a great attractor was pulling the stuff of this reality into. It somehow became clear that although my ego associated these things with negative attachments, they were simply contrast to states of positivity and therefore, at a higher level, could only be viewed as harmonious order within a greater system which I felt to be truly perfect in every single way.
As this was happening I remained completely silent, occasionally sighing or quietly weeping tears of sheer joy into a blanket. Every now and then, however, I would regularly move to drink water and smoke more weed which my friends would periodically pass to me. When I moved to perform these actions they had a completely different feeling attributed to them in comparison to that of every day sober living in a way that was profound but extremely difficult to describe adequately.
Instead of feeling that I was a central and separate ego rearranging the external environment around itself, I felt that the universe was simply a self-arranging autonomous process of continuously shifting energy transfers which comprised the greater whole with unified, interdependent sub-components that acted upon each other mutually. The bottle I was drinking from was just as much me as the person drinking it; it moved itself just as much as my body moved it, and my friends were simply manifestations of myself talking to itself.
This perspective was overwhelming and sustained itself for what must have been at least an hour or two. I laid there completely unresponsive to my friends but listening to the music and conversation whilst visualizing, and feeling everything which they were saying with incredible detail through high levels of conceptual thinking.
Eventually, however, I began to come down and regained my ability and desire to communicate. We went for a walk in a local park and I felt truly overwhelmed by the experience which I had just encountered as it seemed to not only be life changing in its consequences but possessed as of yet unrecognised historical significance. At this point it became clear to me that assuming this perspective contained even a shred of understandable and scientifically verifiable truth, that it was the single most important discovery which humanity had ever or will ever make.
After two years of studying the concept of unity and discussing it with those who have experienced it for themselves I was finally here. I had never seen it coming and had often accepted that perhaps my detailed knowledge of this concept and strong desire for the specific experience itself was the very thing that would forever hold me back from it. Perhaps it was this acceptance that allowed me to experience it, but I also strongly suspect that ayahuasca can consistently induce this state more so than any other psychedelic.